Moving On

Every time I open my blog and read that last Bird Grasping a Thin Branch post ... I get depressed. Damn. I've been some kind of sad, huh?

WELL, there's a time and place for everything. I WISH I could say that the sad phase in me is over ... but OF COURSE it isn't ALL gone. Sad sneaks up and knocks on my door ... and I still invite him in ... and there we are ... together again ... ME & Sad... hanging out ... old friends.

Moving on is a process... and I'm working on it. I hate to admit it, but I'm still reading some self-help material (Susan ... go ahead ... chuckle away). My latest purchase from my favorite bookstore in the world (Boulder Bookstore on Pearl St.) is When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.

"Instructions on mindfulness or emptiness or working with energy all point to the same thing: being right on the spot nails us. It nails us right to the point of time and space that we are in. When we stop there, and don't act out, don't repress, don't blame it on anybody else, and also don't blame it on ourselves, then we meet with an open-ended question that has no conceptual answer. We also encounter our heart. As one student so eloquently put it 'Buddha nature, cleverly disguised as fear, kicks our ass into being receptive.'"

I have been ACTING OUT. BIG TIME. I'm still doing it. I am reacting. Not being. Reacting. To being away from home. To being away from my family. To being away from Stephanie. To being hurt. To being scared. To being free. WOW ... now there's some admission. Hopefully, that means I'm progressing. Right? I still slip - frequently ... but I am slowly getting myself together and I have moments of true happiness.

I LOVE the fact that I drive to work every morning mesmerized by the Rocky Mountains . I SMILE EVERY DAY.

I LOVE my job.

I LOVE the ski house.

I LOVE the fact that I can ski EVERY weekend.

I LOVE when friends come to visit from NC.

I LOVE my friends that I have met here ... I truly love their hearts and don't know what I'd do without them.

I LOVE meeting new people.

I LOVE the fact that I do whatever I want... whenever I want ... with whomever I want.

I LOVE Colorado.

Happy is knocking more often these days. We hang out a lot on the ski slopes :)





Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Meanwhile, I'm going to continue skiing and loving where I am and loving the people around me and allowing them to love me. Nailed to the point in time and space where I am.